In the last month, I have heard that question alot. My answer is hanging on. I am still unemployed. Every job I have applied for, I have been turned down for a variety of reasons. I am getting unemployment benefits so I am able to pay my expenses. But God has been talking to me, I have dealt with some issues that have been dormat for a while. Allowing HIM to "clean" out some spaces in my heart and spirit. He gave me a dream before thanksgiving. I will share it with yall now
I believed it was to going to see my parentsfor thanksgiving, I had several tickets in my hand, I had to catch several planes. I had two or three layovers in different cities. I dont know what every ticket said but I looked at the last ticket. I was leaving a city named Vildaz to go to a city named Blessing. In the dream, I was so focused on trying to arrange with my parents to get from the city of Blessing to Valdosta(my hometown). I woke up when I was still in the first stop. When I woke up, I laughed because I thought, God is sending me to a Blessing, but I am not there yet.
So that was encouraging, I am trying stand on that. Because God called me up here, He will provide me with what I need. He has the perfect place for me. It is sometimes hard to trust that when every door is slammed shut in my face.
I wanted to share with yall another vision I think God shown to me last night at my weekly group meeting. I saw myself happy and jumping. I was shaking hands with a person who had just hired me for a job I really wanted. And everything worked out perfectly! I was so excited I wanted to joyously hug all my friends who have stood with me during this whole time. The words that popped in my head was I only wanted to celebrate with those friends that stood with me. That they get to share in the joy.
I got a good lead on a job today. And, I have a few other leads. But, I am believing that God will provide not "a" job but "the" job.
I wanted to take this time to say THANK YOU for everyone for their support. I have been so humbled and speakless in gratitude for all the love and support.
I dont really know how to begin this post. Not alot has changed, but alot has gone on. I have been on several interviews, none which have panned out. I am under consideration for several positions. The few weeks I have really been in conflict/turmoil. I used up most of my savings to pay my rent for nov. With my money running out, I have been under alot of stress because I still have no job and no income to speak of. I was in talks with my parents to move to AL and try to find a job there since I could no longer pay my bills. I didnt want to admit it to them or me but I was in conflict with that idea. I love my parents, family, and friends. The idea of being able to spend the holidays with them was exciting. But I could not explain it, but something didnt sit right. I did kinda feel like I was being forced down that way. But, it wasn't just that feeling. I was scaried to finalize plans. I was hestiate to book tickets. I still had no clear word from God has to whether He wanted me to go back there or stay up here. I created a utlimatum for myself that if I was not hired for the last job I interviewed for then I was going to move to AL. After coming home from that interview, even though the interview went great, I had uneasy feeling about the position. I feel like God was telling me to no even consider it and if i was offered the job to not take it. Of course, that caused me to stress because I felt like that was my last hope and now I have to move away. I spent all day last saturday looking at prices for traveling to AL and looking for job positions there and here in AK. Something in my heart just was unsettled even about making the plans. In my spirit alot of things were running through. God had reminded me a couple days prior of a couple scriptures,
that He has plans to prosper me, to give me a future, and to give me peace. Peace is something that I have not had in several weeks. I have not been able to sleep I have stayed up to 2-3am most nights. God was not telling me what to do. A few days before, God had shown me a picture of a lantern. An old lantern that people used to while walking. This type of lantern would only show the next step in the darkness for the person holding it, with that I was reminded of that His word is lamp unto our feet. With this vision, I was able to understand the previous vision God had shown me about the old map. The map represented that He did have a plan/direction for me and He will light my plan, even if He only lights the very next step. Even today, as I was preparing to write this, I thought all the old Zelda games(I know I am showing my nerdy side, but hold on). In those games, the player has to get both the map and the compass to understand the level. The compass helps you to figure out where to go. God has the map of my life and with the Holy Spirit acting as a compass can help of figure out where to go in my life. Since the subject of my moving came up, I have been fighting with something I thought God told me back in March. I felt like He was calling me to lay down roots and be settled here in AK. I still am not really sure exactly what He meant by be settled, but I know my life in the last couple of years has not been very settled. I knew that if I was to move to AL although there would be great pros for moving, I felt like a con would be another great sense of "unsettlement." Now, going back to saturday, alot of thoughts ran through my head. I had to confront thoughts that I really didnt want to move and that I was scaried to move. I could not sleep at all Saturday. I woke up about every 2 hours or so. Sunday, I didnt talk to anyone because I needed to get some peace about the situation. I prayed and prayed. God kept reminding me of the sense of setting down roots and be settled here in AK. So, I finally thought "well, if I stay then God you have to come through and provide for me." When I said those words, the scene in Indiana Jones: The Last Crusade come in my head. The last person who I had spoken to about that particular scene was Mr.Randy Stephen. So, the video of him talking played back on my head and while as the moment where Harrison Ford steps into the abscess with full faith. To act on faith, I decided to stay in AK. I finally have peace. I am not saying that everything magically happened and I have a clear understanding of everything. I just know everything is going to be okay. I know it is hard now and it will probably get harder before it gets better. But I know everything will be okay. I still have no job. But, my unemployment should be kicking in next week, and I still have those positions that I am still under considerstion. I contacted the temp agency and told them that I am willing to start working with them. I am looking into getting a seasonal job for the holidays so that I will have some kind of income. I have peace in my spirit and no longer a sense of failure, fear, or uncertainty weighing down me down. I dont know what I am going to do or how/ when I will be back on my feet again, but I know now that I can at least stand.
